Pulling Three Inches of Pecker Out of Six Inches of Carhartt
By Diego Olea
Winter returns! As winter coats start filling out, and critters begin movin’ or snoozin’ one might think that our outdoor play needs to bed down too. To that, I offer a quote told to me by someone wise and powerful.
“There is no bad weather, only bad gear” ~ Lord of the Guides **
I would dare say that this quote should be the golden rule of degenerates everywhere. It emboldens us to get after it when it really sucks. The winter, however, turns this encouraging proverb into a commandment of survival. Gear up well and you might make it to the thaw.
As I’ve mentioned in our previous monthly magazines, one of the biggest natural causes of death in the outdoors is exposure, specifically cold exposure this time of year. If you don’t properly dress and prepare for your outdoor excursion, the situation can quickly turn dangerous. This is not meant to scare anyone away from winter play (despite my earlier suggestion that you might not survive to see spring), but rather to give you a loose formula that I use to make your winter both active and comfortable.
General Info
“Layer, layer, layer!” That’s really the name of the game. The idea behind layering is being able to remove articles of clothing to try and not get sweaty - sweat gets cold when you stop moving. Avoid any one item that is too bulky. If you wear single bulky items there is no temperature control and you may get colder than you can compensate with by moving if you take it off.
“Be bold, start cold!” The underlying principle behind this is the same really, learn how to balance the air temperature with your body heat. If you’ve never done outdoor activity in a true winter, you may be surprised by how little insulation you need when you’re moving hard. It’s annoying to start moving to get hot in 3 minutes and have to stop to delayer.
“Material matters.” There is a decreasing number of acceptable reasons you should be able to get away with wearing denim when performing winter activities. I’ve led many ski lessons/tours with individuals ill-prepared and wearing denim - those guests usually ended up cold and angry. Your material of choice can range but should be quick-wicking. Denim and cotton are a hard no.
Vents and pockets are the backbone (maybe liver) of the winter traveler’s dress. Zipper vents in your clothing offer a quickly accessible alternative to the “delayer stop”, or allow for airflow while keeping you protected in heavy snow. Pockets - ‘nuff said.
Underlayer
Your underlayer is actually the backbone of your dress. Typically consisting of thermal leggings and undershirts, this layer should be thin, form-fitting, and absolutely quick-wicking. Baggy underlayers tend to bunch under overlayers and I find that uncomfortable. Don’t think you have to spend big here. I’ve found great success with lower-end articles here - the kind you can buy in packs of 4.
Additional underlayers include your socks (the lungs of your dress), and glove liners. Don’t be afraid to double up on socks, a thin quick-wicking sock under a thicker wool sock is not a bad move, just consider the amount of room you’ll have in your boot. The same applies to your glove liners, if your boots or gloves are too tight the reduced blood flow can actually make you colder despite the added insulation.
Midlayers
This layer mostly involves the upper body but can include mid-layer leggings and sweats. These layers hold most of your insulation and will be the ones you are most likely to remove. Items such as fleeces, quarter-zips, and vests go here. Again, it is important to put your more heavy-wicking clothing closer to your body, with less-wicking farther away. This is the most situationally dependent of the layers and therefore the most customizable. Know the forecast and your intentions and plan accordingly (i.e. figure it out).
Overlayer
If there is an area to spend a little extra it’s here. If I know that I am going to be especially active and it isn’t a winter hell, I will forego the mid-layer entirely because the other two layers will suffice. This layer consists of your shell jacket, pants, gloves, boots, and headgear/neck cover. If any of these are of poor quality, you’re going to notice.
Shell jacket: These are not meant to insulate you (although they can to a small degree), but rather to keep you dry. My preferred shell jacket is made of GoreTex, zips up, has a non-detachable hood, pockets everywhere (especially inner/outer chest pockets), and has vents down the side.
Pants: These can range from designated ski/snow pants to simply synthetic hiking pants. I often wear the same REI hiking pants in the winter as I do in summer. Again - NO DENIM! An important thing to note here is pocket location. If you are doing an activity such as skiing, notice that most ski pants don’t have back pockets. If you’re gonna be busting your ass it’s best to not have a phone there.
Gloves: These can either be heavily insulated finger gloves or mittens. Make sure these are water-resistant and rated for the weather you’re going to be experiencing.
Boots: There are benefits to heavily insulated boots and lightly insulated boots. Heavily insulated boots have the benefit of having a lower operating temperature, whereas lighter boots have more customization in how you can stack socks. Again, ensure these are water-resistant. Your gloves and boots are especially important, your fingers and toes are some of the first to suffer from frostbite so should be protected as such.
Headgear/neck cover: A lot of body heat escapes from the head and a biting wind can tear at your neck, nose, and ears. Although not as heavily insulated, these items can be the difference between comfortable and terrible.
(Honorable Mention) Shades: Although not insulating, this piece of gear is no less valuable or necessary. Snow blindness can be debilitating so protect your eyes. Wear either sunglasses or goggles to look the part if nothing else.
Winter Pro-Tips!
If you take your gloves off, put them in a pocket close to your body. Keep them warm.
Keep batteries close to your body as well, the cold drains them.
If your glasses are getting foggy, wear them like an angry librarian.
As I said earlier, if your foot is cold, loosen your boot. If the blood flow is restricted your bits wont warm.
If your fingers are cold, swing your arms in a giant circle. Use physics to push the warm blood into your fingertips.
Protect your water! If you are carrying a pack, store your bottle upside down, this will keep the lid from freezing shut.
Bring extra socks/gloves!!! This applies to all times of the year. Rookie mistake if you don’t.
Hot Hands are your friend. Stock up or get an electric hand warmer. The difference these make cannot be overstated.
Tape a hot hand to the top of your toes (or buy one made for that) for extra foot comfort
With proper gear and informed decisions, winter becomes another side of the “fun-to-be-had” coin. Having discussed clothing in this article we have a foundational understanding of what it takes to “survive till thaw.” In another article, we will discuss types of snow traversal methods so we can actually do something besides stand around dressed up in the snow.
Stay Degenerate
~Diego “Yaigz” Olea
**Disclaimer: We here at DFH (Yaigz) fully acknowledge and respect the origin of the said phrase, however, accept no correction. Alterations, misquotes, and miscredits are intentional and will remain.
